Thursday, March 22, 2007

Enfaldig Burns his house down!

Just last week, Enfaldig bought a new desktop PC. The overwhelming excitement made him organised a dinner for family and close friends. Mother te Flon was gleaming with pride over the sons new asset. Enfaldig decided he must have a formal opening ceremony for the PC. Soon after dinner he asked mummy to do the honours. She switched it on…and when the familiar audio of Windows came on, Enfaldig said it was time to break dance. So he did! A few moments later, a message appeared on the screen stating that a firewall was needed for the PC. This is when things went wrong for the idiot. He made a circle of firewood around his new PC and proudly set fire to it while his family and friends cheered him. Well..the rest is history. He burnt his house down. Now he is trying to sue Microsoft for malicious commands on his operating system. In a statement last night, he said that he is certain MS can be sued for US$121 Million. He also said, “I am certain there are thousands of people around the world, who have suffered the same fate. I believe I have had a higher call to stand up and fight for these people. I am not alone on this’. Hmmm…...

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Elfaldig has risen...

After the marathon family sleep to avoid the bad luck of Friday the 13th, the Enfaldig family woke up this morning at 9.23AM. When asked how he felt,

'I feel quite releived that as a family we have been able to ward off all bad luck'

Today is a special day in the house. The house needs to be painted back to its normal colours and then Liguana will make a big dinner. The family wears special clothes. Enfaldig claims it is made of Unicorn feathers. The head of the family wears the Unicorn horn. Which in this case is Enfaldig himself. It has been passed down the family for generations.

Enfaldig claims that he has a few Unicorns that grow feathers. Neighbors claim they are just country donkeys that dress up as chicken every friday the 13th. And the dokeys say, Ïf Enfaldig can behave like a donkey, why can't we behave like him?'

Friday, October 13, 2006

Enfaldig will not live on Friday the 13th!

New statistics from the Swedish Rescue Services Agency (SRSA) show that sometimes superstitions are well founded: when the thirteenth day of the month falls on a Friday, Sweden is a slightly riskier place to be.

"More accidents do happen," a police spokesman told Svenska Dagbladet.

This obviously has been bothering the Enfaldig family. The entire last week he and Liguana have been seen worried in the small town. The pressure on Enfaldig from the family has been high. Still, he has managed to find a way around it.

'vi vill inte åka den 13. För den dagen betyder otur' he said.

He plans for him and the family to go to sleep on the 12th night and not wake up at all on the 13th. Instead wake up on the 14th. He has even painted the inside of his house black. No light, no TV. Even the window blinds have been pulled down and painted black. This is for those that unknowingly wake up on the 13th. The idea is that they think it is night.

His family is very proud of him. His mother said, 'Sverige är stolt över dej'

Enfaldig said, 'Jag vill även bevisa för resten av världen att vi svenskar är smarta och kan ta oss ur jobbiga situationer'

Good Night Enfaldig...Not sure Sweden agrees with you...

Monday, October 09, 2006

New Name...

Enfaldig and wify have decided to give their home a name. When asked why, his point was that most famous people had names for their houses. He pointed out 'Graceland' the home of the King of Rock and Roll. The name they have choosen is 'Halva Vägen' . Simply meaning Halfway House!!!

The Idiots Guide..

Enfaldig is said to be writing another book. It is all about his life experiences and lessons. It has been dedicated to all those 'special'people in Sweden. The title of the new book is, 'An Idiots guide to be an idiot'.

Monday, October 02, 2006

Family of Inventors..

Elfaldig, is still trying to claim royalty from quite a few manufacturers of toilet seats from around the world. He believes, his ancestors invented the toilet seat. He recently gave a public statement to that effect. When reporters contacted the manufacturers of Twyford. They too seem to agree with Enfaldig. " Absolutely, there seems to be strong evidence that the toilet seat was invented by a te Flon ancestor and used only by the family, until sometime during the 18th century, we modified it by including a hole in it". Well, no dispute, there!!!!

When the Romance began...

In the mid eighties, Enfaldig was courting his soon to be wife. The young couple sat in the hall of the girl's house night after night, much to the annoyance of the girls old man. One night he couldn"t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled down, "What's that young fella doin' here all hours of the night?" "Why, Dad, " said Leguna, "Enfaldig was just telling me everything that's in his heart!" "Well, next time, " roared the old, "just let him tell you what's in his head, and it won't take half as long!"

This joke is always related by Enfaldig when he has a little too much to drink...poor chap yet, does not get it. His father-in-law still is waiting to know what he uses his head for. Some claims say, that Enfaldig uses his head to keep his ears apart. Enfaldig is very proud when he hears this.

Enfaldig's gluten woes...

Besides being special, Enfaldig has issues with Gluten. The man cannot eat most things that normal people eat. But being the hyprocondriac that he is, just about everything freaks the bugger out. He actally believes that he will die if he eats food with Gluten. Well, it is a fact that things can get quite uncomfortable and nasty. His entire family is known to have something to claim glory. The son - who looks like a decayed tooth and being special and the soon to be CEO/Chairman of Electrolux - is also brain deficient. Well, you have to see him. You will know what I mean...The little daughter has a Lactose Intolerance problem...The wify has a intelligence intolerance issue. Apparently, something that the Swedish medical experts are baffles with. Until this time they thought it was a disorder found only in the brainless south american Iguana.

PS: On Enfaldig's CV, under personel information , it says ''Gluten Intolerant".

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

A true Enfaldig encounter...

Quite a few months ago, one evening we were at Enfaldig's fathers house. We were exchanging stories and tales. I began telling of a tale that I read on my email. I decided to relate it to Enfaldig.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director, "What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?" "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub,we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub." 1. Would you use the spoon? 2. Would you use the teacup? 3. Would you use the bucket? "

Before I could finish the story...Enfaldig laughed out loud and said, Ány normal person would obviously use a bucket'. At which point, I decided it is best I do NOT go on or explain that a plug in a bath has some use.

Note: This is a true life event with Enfaldig.

Enfaldig makes friends with UK Pizza rapper..

One of Enfaldig's recent pride in the pack is his new friend from the UK. Mr. Dent Faulters. An ideal name for a man who is a dent in the fabric of society and a total fault of nature. Dent as he likes to be known has been desperately trying to release a song. The song is titled 'Doom, Doom, Doom'. The last 3 years he has been trying to find someone who will finance it for release. In that process he has managed to make a living. To support his family.

In all honesty the song is something that might have had a change to make it. At least in the local carwash. But, with the IQ level and business acuman that Dent pocesses, it will not go far. Hence, one potential investor who got fleeced for 12,000 sterling pounds, had adviced him that until he makes it, in the interest of his family he must do a job. Ideally, a pizza delivery boy. Which can be quite an intellectually stimulating one for him. That has made him rather furious.

His newest friend is Enfaldig now. They two of them intend becoming partners in an operation to take the world by suprise. Enfaldig will be the manager and Dent will be the artist. When recently interviewed by a reporter, Enfaldig is supposed to have said, 'Two heads are better than one' (Wishful thinking for Enfaldig to think he has the potential of one head...As for Dent, everyone is trying to figure out what he uses his head for). Enfaldig is now busy trying to find money to finance the production of the CD's. He even goes to potential financiers and does a variation of rap dancing to them. Since, Dent is not always available. He is busy at the recording studio. No! not recording...but sellin pizza's!! We wish them success!

Enfaldig having problems with the daughter...

The other day Enfaldig walked into a pub look rather down. He sat himself at the bar and ordered a drink. Two others having a drink could not help noticing it and one asked him what the problem was. He replied,'I cannot beleive what I found in my daughters drawers today'.

One of them tried to console Enfaldig, 'I found a pack of cigs and could not beleive she smoked'. The other found the need to contribute and said, 'The otherday I found 2 panties in my teenage sons cupboard, and was flabbergasted that my son was having girls in his room'.

They asked Enfaldig what was so bad and wanted to know his problem. 'Just this morning I found condoms in my daughter's drawers; I cannot beleive it! I never knew she had a penis'

Monday, September 25, 2006

Enfaldig Posing...

This was a recent picture taken of Enfaldig at his daughters school event. He had gone to a nearly gay hairdresser to have this special style done. Rumour has it that Enfaldig did his hair after 3 years. Imagine what the ''Idiot wrapped in a Moron" (as someone rightly called him) might have looked.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Electrolux Belongs to my family..

According to Enfaldig te Flon, the successful swedish coperation should have belonged to the Te-Flon family. The founder of Electrolux Mr. Axel Wenner-Gren would turn in his grave if he even knew that a member of the Te-Flon family ever even bought any product manufactured by Electrolux. However, Enfaldig has a different story.

Elfaldig claims that the whole idea of the vacuum cleaner was thought up by one of his 'special' ancestors and showed it to Axel, who copied the whole idea and built the Electrolux empire. Hence, Enfaldig has over the last decade been trying to get to the present CEO and claim 50% of the company. In case he is not successful in this life, he has it all written down in his will. He read somewhere that 'Dead men say no lies'. Hence, his understanding of it is that if what he has said is read when he is dead, then it is the truth. And the law will respect that as the absolute truth and make his son the rightful shareholder of 50%.

This is a true account of a conversation I once had with Enfaldig.

Meanwhile his son is being groomed for the job of Chairman. He is 17 now and has learned to wear a tie. He realises the importance of wearing a tie when CEO of a huge company. He even introduces himself to people as the soon-to-be chairman of the company.

Enfaldig and the Nepolean story!

Coming soon...

Mug Shot of Enfaldig

Well, I have had quite a few people asking me to have a snapshot of Enfaldig on this site....Well, very soon you will see one. That is a promise. Actually, you will see the entire family soon..

Keep the Moron busy...

While going thru a safety training program in Sweden, Enfaldig was quite irritating and kept disturbing the person sitting next to him. The chap next to him realised that Enfaldig was just 'special' and decided to keep him busy for a while.

He gave him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides!!!!

Enfaldig never disturbed again.

Enfaldig posing....

Incidently, Enfaldig is seen to be smiling every time there is lightning. There seems to be a logical and 'simple'explanation to this. He thinks someone is taking a photograph!!! Hence....the smile. Nothing like a good pose. Go Enfaldig..go!

Pre-dawn sex....

On a few occasions I have driven with Enfaldig to this far away place for work. One Monday morning we left around 4.30 AM. I hopped into the car and Enfaldig looked rather happy and pleased with himself which is very unusual. This obviouly begged for an explanation, which I eventually regretted. Collected my courage and asked him what was the excitement about. This was the disgusting part. He told me that he woke up horny at 3.30AM and basically did the missionery thing on Anna-Leguan. Firstly, the thought of sex with Anna-Leguan can be nightmarish, secondly I was not particularly interested in the initimate details of his act. Anyway, he went on to say how he that morning...Good for the moron.

An hour or so later Anna-leguan called and Enfaldig was gloating about his act...or so it seemed and then he hung up. Well I guessed the man was happy and so was the lady Iguana!!! I was not particularly keen in knowing what went on. Enfaldig decided to tell me anyway.

Apparently, Enfaldig had told Anna-Leguan that if he had 2 inches more of manliness he would be a king. She in turn had said 'Yes! and 2 inches less you would be a queen'. oops!

Is everything true about Enfaldig te Flon??

Since I started writing this blog..I have had questions from the people of Ulricehamn. None has complained. They all seemed rather delighted and thrilled to read my blog. For which I am ever thankful.. The most asked question is, if it is true? However, at this point I must emphasis that most tales are made up. And some are just as it happened. The made up tales too might have an essence of truth or a connection to a specific real life event. It is a strange things. Having spent so much time with Enfaldig, I could write a 1000 stories about some of the hillarious and outrageous statements that he has made. I find it quite hard myself to think someone it is right mind would made such statements. But then he is not in his right mind......his mother did not say he is 'special' for no reason!!!!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Night Club Romance....

Enfaldig was in London and decided to check the night life out. He walked into a night club and started dancing with an English Girl (Reliable sources say, she was from a nearby school for the blind). He whispered into her ear, "I love you." She smiled and whispered back, "I love you too!" There was a short pause, Enfaldig was thinking, then he whispered, "I love you three."